Get all 25 sadfem releases available on Bandcamp and save 40%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of it's a shame, that's all it ever was, Perfect Symmetry (sadfem remix), dream & bass, vol. 3, ~✧♡「H34RTSTYL3 CUT3L3GZ」♡✧~, DJ Ashbie presents Terminally Online Radio 420.69, learned helplessness, antisymbiotic, cherophobia, and 17 more.
Excludes subscriber-only releases.
1. |
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i lacked the will to be what you wanted
wish it could be helped that my growth was stunted
emotions no longer seem so blunted
now that you don’t miss me like you once did
now you don't miss me like you once did...
and what we used to share is tainted
still lament that my affection faded
i couldn’t place on what to blame it
and i can’t leave my bed now that i’ve made it
can't leave my bed now that i've made it...
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2. |
rly, it's fine
03:25
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i don’t want your love baby i just want your charity
give me all of you and i’ll give you all of my apathy
should i prioritise dignity or transparency?
my mouth was too weak to bite down on what you handed me
wish you’d answer me as fast as you used to
guess that’s what i get for how i used you
love her already? well fuck, i thought i knew you
but it’s cool, misery business as usual
you’re not mine, it’s just fine, i don’t mind
i guess emotions just couldn’t be in the right place at the time
no really, it’s fine
i swear i only think about you like 99% of the time
i don’t go outside much
it feels like my time’s up
i don’t really cry much
emotionally out of touch
starved of the physical
can’t believe the spiritual
just need a miracle
to help me make my mind up
i don’t think i’ll die but
i do in all my daydreams
i know i’m a whiner
but can you really blame me
and can you please save me
before i make you hate me
almost as much as i
you’re not mine, it’s just fine, i don’t mind
i guess emotions just couldn’t be in place at the right time
no really, it’s fine
i swear i only think about you like 99% of the time
you were my calling from the heavens above
i’m sorry sorry could never be enough
last time you said you loved me what did you mean?
who knew the other side could be so green...
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3. |
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[sadfem]
months spent wishing you would take me back
wallow in my hell
indefinitely dwell
on love you gave me when i couldn’t give it back
i couldn’t give it back
i couldn’t love you
so you moved on and it made me sad
quit caring for myself
realised what i felt
when it was too late and you couldn’t love me back
you couldn’t love me back
i’m not enough to
[brynn </3]
never sleep, never eat
i always feel so incomplete
without you here by my side
things just never come out right
please come home, i am alone
i just want you for my own
when i have you, you'll have me
can't you see we're meant to be?
i'm not very good to myself
or to my body
this body that
you have given me
i don't take very good care of myself
and i absolutely refuse
to ever ask
anyone for help
[brynn </3 + sadfem]
never sleep, never eat
i always feel so incomplete
without you here by my side
things just never come out right
please come home, i am alone
i just want you for my own
when i have you, you'll have me
can't you see we're meant to be?
if it's meant to be
it'll come back
if it's meant to be, ooh no
it'll come back
ain't no time like now
don't live in the past
baby don't hurt yourself
tryna make good times last
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4. |
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[sadfem]
no one really wants to talk to me
i wish that my mum aborted me
i’m bored of me, helpless
agoraphobic and alone
most of my quote unquote "friends" abandon me
before they even hang with me
i guess they’re too busy to answer me
'cause they’ve got lives of their own
i wish they’d tell me it’s not me
even if it’s not honesty
understandably they’ve forgotten me
i think i’ll die alone
give me yourself on a silver platter
or stop telling me to pretend that i matter
if i was worthy of love i would have it
i am a problem without a right answer
and i’m so above thinking there’s a point to any of this
you’re so basic if you wanna live
so spare me your platitudes
if that’s all that you can give
[chris agony]
lonesome, fifth floor
i got nothing to live for
all the things i did for
no return, i give more
all year i've been bored
no sunshine, just rain
drowning by myself at the bottom of this drain
i dream of better days
wishing for a better way
no guidance and my life is going down with my rage
always moving aimless, i've got nowhere to go
i throw a pity party from the comfort of my home
[sadfem]
most of my quote unquote "friends" abandon me
before they even hang with me
i guess they’re too busy to answer me
'cause they’ve got lives of their own
i wish they’d tell me it’s not me
even if it’s not honesty
understandably they’ve forgotten me
i think i’ll die alone
give me yourself on a silver platter
or stop telling me to pretend that i matter
if i was worthy of love i would have it
i am a problem without a right answer
if i die
you will get on with your life
replace me in the blink of an eye
and i get it, there’s no need to lie
[chris agony]
i'll die alone
with no one to hold
i walk this path all on my own
and when it gets cold
i'd like to remind you
i'm watching from afar
in the shadow behind you
rejection is a close friend
leaving me hurting
self-harm scars
got me feeling so worthless
forgotten and abandoned when i needed a hand
my heart won't last
i'm not standing a chance
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5. |
ideation
02:38
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i don’t want to starve myself but
i don’t have an appetite lately
you worry for my health but
it’s okay, you couldn’t save me
i don’t see my ideation
as a flaw and you can’t make me
therapy is just reflection
i’m not sure if it can change me
get so apathetic when i get what i need, yeah
it’s so hard to tell what’s a bug and a feature
who could ever love me for my reality as
they see me lose the strength to repress my weakness
they move along and i’m left alone
still afraid to leave my home
i can stay calm about it so
no alarms or surprises though
i wish that things were different
i lack the drive to ever overcome my indecision
never given reason to have hope
but if i had it who would i be
without misery for company
how am i to feel like me
without the only emotion i truly know
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6. |
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little things
wrapped up in plastic
tucked into jackets
and then brought home
little queen
of your apartment
always so crowded
never alone
i used to hope life would consist
of a million nights like this
i'm afraid, i'm afraid, i'm afraid
that they will never stop
little things
that never get filmed
that never sit still
that never stay
you and me
we always thought this
would be so perfect
it's just okay
i used to hope life would consist
of a million nights like this
i'm afraid, i'm afraid, i'm afraid
that they will never stop
the things that used to feel like bliss
honestly just now feel like shit
it's a waste, it's a waste, it's a waste
that's all it ever was
little old routines
you keep repeating
without thinking
like a machine
little things
about the mirror
you never notice
until it's clean
i used to hope life would consist
of a million nights like this
i'm afraid, i'm afraid, i'm afraid
that they will never stop
and if tonight was the last time
i don't even think i'd mind
it's a shame, it's a shame, it's a shame
that's all it ever was
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7. |
worth
03:49
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how are we supposed to love ourselves
if no one else will love us first?
i need you for my health
just for what that's worth
i wish i could love like you do
i wish i could love like i used to
i wish i could feel your pain for you
truly understand what i put you through
just for what that's worth...
i wish i could love like you do
i wish i could love like i used to
i wish i could feel your pain for you
truly understand what i put you through
if i was euthanised
i think that would be better
but i'm still alive
and you're still my raison d'être
promises turn to lies
can't trust myself to get better
couldn't write you love letters
hate that i was so self-centred
how are we supposed to love ourselves
if no one else will love us first?
i need you for my health
just for what that's worth
i wish i could love like you do
i wish i could love like i used to
i wish i could feel your pain for you
truly understand what i put you through
just for what that's worth...
i wish i could love like you do
i wish i could love like i used to
i wish i could feel your pain for you
truly understand what i put you through
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8. |
(still) immature
04:05
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i know i'm just immature
yeah i know i'm just immature
i know i'm just immature
yeah i know i'm just immature
i don't think you wanna talk to me any more
you don't even think about me i'm sure
i wish i could've stopped myself clinging to how things were before
i wish there was something romantic about this but i know i'm just immature
and i'm terrified of aging
still being this way seems pathetic and weird
i feel dumb for entertaining the thought
that anyone would be endeared
to a pessimist who keeps on hoping
you'll see the beauty in me being broken
that i told myself was there as a way of coping
with the ways that i'm insecure
i know that's so immature
i know that i'm immature
i know that i'm immature
and i've always been immature
i don't think you wanna talk to me any more
you don't even think about me i'm sure
i wish i could've stopped myself clinging to how things were before
i wish there was something romantic about this but i
didn't listen to my intuition, i knew you were bad for me
you know it's my decision to write my life as a tragedy
and now it seems so clear why you stopped writing back to me
i was just surprised that it happened so gradually
feeling used but totally projecting
needed to be the one to put an end
to the situation that i always put myself in
when i think i felt something pure
i know that's so immature
i know i'm so immature
i know i'm so immature
and i'll always be immature
i don't think you wanna talk to me any more
you don't even think about me i'm sure
i wish i could've stopped myself clinging to how things were before
i wish there was something romantic about this but i know i'm just immature
yeah i know i'm just immature...
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9. |
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it pulls me under the currents
when i try to swim away
i been waiting here too many moments
that i let just fade away
and i miss you and i want you and i need you
and you’re so close and i could never fear you
and you’re so far and i could never heal you
could never heal you
could never fear you
i wish that i could change
i wish that i could fly
you see all that’s inside
it poisons my insides
flows inside my veins
and it keeps me up at night
i want you like so bad so come back
i’ll die here if i can see you in the end
these parasites infest me and my mind
i try to stay calm but i just cry
i try to calm down but i just can’t
and i want you, yeah i want you like so bad
sipping bleach now it’s inside me and i love that
and i want you, yeah i want you like so bad
it pulls me under the currents
when i try to swim away
i been waiting here too many moments
that i let just fade away
and i miss you and i want you and i need you
and you’re so close and i could never fear you
and you’re so far and i could never heal you
could never heal you
could never fear you
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10. |
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feel so apathetic…
i know you see the good in me
but sometimes it feels like a deceit
and i know deep down i'm always gonna be incomplete
so if it's self-destructive then fuck it
i'm just sick of feeling nothing
made a promise to myself but to be honest i don't trust it
wish i was less of a crab in a bucket
'cause when you're confident it makes me wanna block you
if you don't need me then i don't want you
told myself i'd change but the message never got through
used to share the pain but now i don't have the heart to
can't get back the part of me that felt your feelings
can't make a sound but my mind is screaming
i don't want what's best for you, i just want codependence
i don't wanna hurt you with the truth so i'll repress it
try to fight the ennui but i seem pretty defenceless
used to love so hard but now i feel so apathetic
i'm way too shy to ask for help
i'd sooner die than fix myself
i miss when i would think of you and it would make me melt
can't get back the part of me that felt your feelings
can't make a sound but my mind is screaming
after all these years i just feel so defeated
when i say i love you i wish i believed it
i don't want what's best for you, i just want codependence
i don't wanna hurt you with the truth so i'll repress it
try to fight the ennui but i seem pretty defenceless
used to love so hard but now i feel so apathetic
feel so apathetic…
used to love so hard but now i feel so apathetic...
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11. |
empty home [+ albert k]
04:28
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we went from each other’s respite from life
to each other’s intrusive thoughts
so easy to think of all the ways that i
could’ve better spent the time i bought
and showed the love i couldn’t even tell was really there
till all-consuming absence of reciprocation laid it bare
if only i had known how much i’d miss what seemed mundane
maybe i’d have kept you and my ignorance remained
my body’s a neglected empty home
where my ghost can’t clear the cobwebs or mute the drone
my bed may as well be an open grave
for the self neither of us could save
and i crave something that’s dead and rotten
decomposed but cannot be forgotten
i often wish i could say the same
for the corporeal being that bears my name
i’m still not quite sure
what happiness feels like
i only know that i was never closer
to learning than when i
was with you and deluded that it could last
but now that too is in the past
and as much as we wanted to have faith
i think we both knew i wouldn’t change
and now i can’t wash these scars off my arms
or my heart off of my sleeve
or you out of my mind or myself out of life
know i’d cause more hurt if i leave
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12. |
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awake, prepare to eat to sustain
clean up the mess you made
leave the house for its own sake
entertain yourself and fake until you make
until you break and try to fix yourself again
so things continue the same
when today is yesterday
when you’re tired from the weight
go to sleep and then awake
prepare to eat to sustain
clean up the mess you made
leave the house for its own sake
entertain yourself and fake until you make
until you break and try to fix yourself again
so things continue the same
when today is yesterday
when you’re tired from the weight
go to sleep and then awake
hey, keep it up
it’s not like your own body will let you stop
you’re just enough
everyone wants you to stick around
until you’re further broken down
so watch yourself die inside
it’s alright, you might be revived
so just stay grateful for your life
and watch yourself die inside
again and again…
it is what it is…
awake, prepare to eat to sustain
clean up the mess you made
leave the house for its own sake
entertain yourself and fake until you make
until you break and try to fix yourself again
so things continue the same
when today is yesterday
when you’re tired from the weight
go to sleep and then awake...
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